List of things not to or to do at Hogwarts!
by HGHPlove4ever15
Summary: Just little fun things not to, or to do, at Hogwarts. I hope you like. R&R if you want. Rated for language.
1. 1 through 50

Discalmer: I do not own Harry Potter. These were made by others, on other web

sites.

I found them and decided to show you. There are little comments I left after them. I

only have 1-50 on here but I plan to get more up. This list is a fun little thing to help

me get rid of writers block for "Summer for Six", my first story. I will keep updating

it after I get over writers block. It won't be too long so R&R if you want.

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I solemnly swear that I did not come up with all of these.

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1) I must not put out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.(That is not a good idea,

I think.)

2) I must not set up an underground dueling arena.(No matter how much I want to.)

3) I must not bring a Magic-8 ball to Divination class.(Who am I kidding? That would

be fun to confuse everyone.)

4) I must not make fun of Lupin's 'time of the month'.(That is mean and Lupin is

nice.)

5) I must not ask for advice from Peeves on how to wreak havoc.(Although that

would make him become my friend and I wouldn't have to deal with him.)

6) I must not convince first years that the new password to Gryffinndor tower is

"Petrificus Totalus" and must be recited with their wands pointed at themselves.(No

I will not tell them that! Maybe 3rd years and above to see who actually did it.)

7) I must not pay first years a galleon to pee in Mad-Eye Moody's hip flask.(That

would be discusting.)

8) I must not use the Invisibility Cloak to sneak into the girl's dorm.(I am a girl and

for boys, you better not!)

9) I must not ask Prof. Trewlawny where she laid her eggs.(Even if I really want to

know!)

10) I must not leave shampoo on Prof. Snape's desk with instructions on how to

properly wash his hair.(At least not saying it who it was from.)

11) I must not point to the Dark Mark in the sky and shout "To the Batmobile,

Robin!"(Most Witches and Wizards would be standing there confused.)

12) I must not put a paper sign on Firenze's back saying "Pony Rides: 3 Sickles".

(Altough I could make some money.([It would be mean

13) Seamus Finnegan is not "After Me Lucky Charms"(I don't even think he knows

what they are.)

14) I will not buy Lupin a flea collar. (Mean! No being mean to Lupin or I will

imagenarly hex you!)

15) I will not sing "We're off to see the Wizard" when sent to the Headmaster's

office.(So maybe I will.)

16) I will not attempt to magically animate my marshmallow peeps.(It might be fun

though!)

17) I will not tell the first years to build a treehouse over the whomping willow.

(Maybe if any future death eaters are first years, then I will.)

18) I will not lock the Gryffindors and Slytherins in a room and take bets on who will

come out alive.(I wonder who would live?)

19) I will not say the phrase "Dude, get a life" to Voldemort.(Even though he should!)

20) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, i am to

assume that i am not allowed to do it.(Unless on Voldemort.)[Assume spells Ass u

me.

21) Putting a snitch in Malfoy's pants really isn't all that funny. Even if it does make

him scream like a girl. (I would do that.)

22) I am not to tell Nearly Headless Nick that he'd forget his head if it wasn't

attached--thats just cruel.(That is mean you do that and I will make sure Lupin hex's

you.)

23) I should not confess to crimes that happened before I was born, even if I have

access to a time turner.(The Ministry would have a feild day.)

24)I Will not jump up, Yelling "VOLDERMORT, RUN!" in the middle of a Order or

DA meeting .(That would get you kicked out.)

25)I will not tell Snape he needs to go to his "Happy place"(He needs to though.)

26)"Swish and flick" is only a wand movement. (Sirius and James this is derected

towards you two.)

27) I must not ask Harry Potter who died and made him the boss.(I really want to

know though.)

28) I will not summon the house elves just to show that I can.(I should be a member

of S.P.E.W.)

29) I will not set up a trampoline at Hogwarts as it causes Madame Pomfrey to

become overworked and stressed.(That is my good deed for the year.)

30) I will not animate my M&Ms to dance and sing, especially not the Addams

Family Theme Song.(That might get annoying.)

31) I will not refer to Filch and Mrs. Norris as "The Stalker and His Cat".(Not infront

of them I won't.)

32) I will not melt cauldrons on purpose and then blame Neville.(I like Neville.)

33) I am not the twice removed second cousin of Voldemort's great uncle. Nor does

it mean that I am his heir when he takes over the world.(I could do a lot of things if I

was.)

34) I must not sell first years tickets for "Giant Squid Rides".(Well you can figure out

why.)

35) I must refrain from bringing white ferrets to Hogwarts and letting them loose in

the Slytherin commonroom. (I really want to.)

36) I must not let loose three blast-ended skrewts in Hogwarts labeled 1, 2, and 4.(It would be fun.)

37) I must not charm Lupin's classroom to sing "Werewolf in London" whenever he

enters. (How many times do I have to tell you I like Lupin.)

38) I must not play matchmaker and set up Umbridge with Ferenze. (No one

deserves that, other than Voldemort, and a few other select few.)

39) Hagrid hates to be called the Golly Green Giant and I must stop calling him that.

(I would never call him that.) 

40) Captian Jack Sparow is NOT a drinking buddy of Hagirds and I must stop

insisting that they are.(That would be cool though.)

41) Telling first years that it is ok for them to go to Hogsmead without permision.

(It is funny! It is not funny if you get caught telling them that it is.)

42) Peeves is not related to Casper the Friendly Ghost. This rumor must stop.(If the

first years hear this they will be dead.)

43) I must stop telling first years that if you kiss Umbridge she will turn back into a

frog. (This is to disturbing.)

44) I will not be giving Snape a muggle chemistry set for christmas.(This is funny,

however if you are dumb enough to put that it was from you... detention city.)

45) Asking McGonagall if she is secertly in love with Dumbledore will earn you even

more detention.(Dumbledore is gay if you didn't get the memo.)

46) I will stop telling the first years to put french fries on Snapes head and start a fire

to get extra credit.(If you did it you might not want the french fries.)

47) Telling the Fat Lady to lay off the chocolate will get you locked out of the

dormitory.(Not nice, she is a painting and her name is the 'Fat' Lady.)

48) Teaching the the suits of armor to sing the 'Knights of the Round Table' song

from Monty Python and the Holy Grail is funny; but it upsets Filch.(I don't think

anymore detentions are needed.)

49) I will not get first years drunk. (It is funny but it makes a terible mess in the

common room.)

50) I must not give Seamus moonshine and tell him it is a new brand of firewhisky.

He tends to get drunk faster on it.(For those of you who do not know what

moonshine is it is a form of whisky that bootleggers used to make and destibute

during the prohabition days.)[He will do the same as the first years.

I hope you liked this. I will add more soon. The more reviews I get the faster I will

update.

HGHPlove4ever15(Cc is my nickname, It is easer to spell.)

Byes

P.S. If you have one leave it in a commen or I will put it in the next chapter and put your name on it to show that you made

it up or found it. K? K! Thanks agian for reading.


	2. 51 through 100

51) I will not use the summoning charm to get me a date for the Yule Ball. Nor will I use one of the unforgivable curses on him/her to agree to go with me. (I think that Someone would though[Cough Voldomort Cough)

52) I will not start a new game called 'Pin the Piggy Tail on Dudly Dursley'. This one works if you are Hagrid. (I would though)

53) I will not ask Seamus how the Little People (leprachans) are doing. He is starting to get mad. (But it is fun to.)

54) I will not start an underground black market at Hogwarts for muggle items. (I might get to see Mr. Weasley though.)

55) Snape and Captian Jack Sparow are not related. Though they both need a bath very badly. (And Jack Sparrow is hot and Snape is not)

56) Asking Luna and Neville when the wedding is will earn you an embarassed look from Neville and a vacant exspession from Luna. (They need to get Married.)

57) I must not sell first years tickets for "Giant Squid Rides". (I might make money, but they might get hurt...and get me detention)

58) I must refrain from bringing white ferrets to Hogwarts and letting them loose in the Slytherin commonroom. (It is more fun to turn Malfoy into one.)

59) I must not let loose three blast-ended skrewts in Hogwarts labeled 1, 2, and 4.(Hagrid would have a fit.)

60) I must not charm Lupin's classroom to sing "Werewolf in London" whenever he enters.(That is mean and I will be to busy trying to get Snape to was himself.)

61) I must not play matchmaker and set up Umbridge with Filtch. (Even if they belong together...)

62) I must not start barking like a walrus whenever Professor Slughorn starts talking. (Instead I will make toad sounds during Umbridge's class.)

63) I must not sing 'I am the Walrus' whenever Professor Slughorn walks into a room.(Nope I will still be busy with Snape and trying to push him into a pool of water and soap.)

64) I must not call the Slytherins Orchs. (It is an insult to the Orchs.)

65) I must not tell the first years that due to the new school health program; they now have to take a hike in the Frobidden Forest every other day. (They won't get past the firsst day. And why not tell that to Malfoy when he has amnesia.)

66) I must not signal for the Knight Bus just so I can sing the song 'The Magical Mystery Tour' by the Beatles. Ernie the bus driver is starting to get mad. The talking shrunken head is loving it though. (I will be to busy trying to turn into an animgus and helping my dear friend Remus.)

67) I must not ask Trewlawny if she has looked at her Magic 8 ball lately. (She would call Mr. Weasley and he will start asking about rubber duckies.)

68) I must not tell Snape to go fly a kite. (This will only end in detention.)

69) I will NOT tell Peeves to go make fun of Filch by catnapping Mrs. Norris.(I should have Fred and George do that instead.)

70) I must not charge first years for rides on Buckbeak. (I want a turn)

71) I must not start a rumor that McGonical is in love with Dumbledore. This will get me in a lot of trouble. (once again...Dumbledore is gay)

72) I must not tell first years that they are no longer in England; that they are in the Land of Oz and I am really the Wicked Witch of the West. (Then I could sing some songs from wizard of oz or wicked.)

73) I will not ask Snape how his fellow Death Eaters are doing in return to any question he asks me. This will get me detention. (I tried to ask him and he gave me detention.)

74) Trying to jump into the portraits in the halls will only get you sent to the hospital wing. This is not recomended. Plus the inhabitants of the portraits are starting to get mad.(I will just say open master of magical paintings)

75) Putting a body binding curse on Snape and throwing him into the Black Lake in the middle of winter IS funny; getting caught and being told to go and rescue him is not.(I will let the gaint squid rescue him.)

76) Telling Lord Voldemort that world domination is cliche will get you killed.(I could always sing him the song from "Elf")

77) Borrowing Ron Weasley's broken wand to curse someone will only end bad for you. I don't recomend it.(I really don't.)

78)I must not ask Umbrige for a spare quill. The loss of blood is draining me.(I will one day trick her into using one.)

79) Snape is not a vampire; therfore I must stop trying to hold up a cross infront of him.(I will start holding stakes up to him.)

80) Setting off some of Fred and George's fireworks just to get out of an exam IS NOT recomended. It will get you lots of praise from your fellow students, but will also get you detention.(hahahahahaha I should try that in a muggle school.)

81) Telling the house-elfs that Dumbledore wanted prunes with every meal will get you detention from Dumbledore.(HAHAHAHAHAHA I will do that to filtch.)

82) I will not ask Snape if he forgot his medication everytime he is in a bad mood. This will get me detention and killed.(I will tell him to take it though.)

83) I must stop asking Draco if he thinks his dad would be better off in a muggle prison. This will defenantly get me killed.(Malfoy would die in a muggle prison.)

84) I must not order the house-elves to make the Slytherin common room even more messy each night.(I will ask them to though.)

85) I must not walk behind the Huffelpuff Quidich team and start the chant, "They will huff, they will puff. They will blow the other team down." It's just not that funny anymore.(I will do it next year.)

86) When travling by the Knight Bus it is not wise to start an all bus sing along of the song "The wheels on the bus go round and round." You will get kicked off the bus. (The wheels on the bus canonly go around so many times before the driver starts to get drunk.)

87)Going up to Draco in muggle clothing and saying 'What up, D.'will get you not only odd looks but also killed.(I should have Dudley and Draco meet.)

88) I must not show Hermione fake evidence that Crumple-Horned Snorkacks exist just to see the look on her face.(I must not but I will anyway.)

89) I must not shout, "LOOK, ARIGOG HAS RETURNED FROM THE DEAD," in front of Ron.(With out a wizard camara.)

90) I must not tell Draco Malfoy that he was much more attractive as a ferret.(Even if it is true.)

91) I must not put a sign that says "Wash Me" on Professor Snape's back.(Only if it works.)

92) I must not Show Professor Sprout the book Jack and the Beanstock and persuad her to grow a beanstock that large at Hogwarts.(I must tell her to grow one that is bigger.)

93) I must not send Grawp up said beanstock and set Hermione the task of getting him down. (I must make Hermione, Ginny and Luna to go get him and video tape the whole thing.)

94) I must not set Draco Malfoy lines saying "I Love Harry Potter"(I must set them to say "I Love Muggle Borns".)

95) I must not switch Gryffindor and Slytherin uniforms so that Gryffindors are Slytherins and Slytherins are Gryffindors - it makes them angry.(I must switch the whole schools.)

96) I must not turn Professor Umbridge's lunch into a plate full of flys.(I will only turn her dinner into flys.)

97) I must not turn Professor Snape's robes pink.(I must turn them neon red and gold.)

99) I must not pretend to be the ghost of Sirius Black around Harry - that's just mean.(Sirius is not dead. Read my profile and you will see thst.)

100) I must not tell Professor Snape that James really was better looking.(I must tell him that James, Sirius, and Remus were. He needs to hear the truth.)

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Well there it is. So review. Byes.


	3. 101 through 150

101)I will not tell the first years that the secret passageways lead to Oz. 

102)"I do believe in faeries" does not amuse Professor Flitwick. 

103) I will no longer ask Professor Binns to squeeze his eyes shut to see if he turns invisible. 

104) I will not encourage first years to pick their teeth with their wands. 

105)I will not check Sirius Black for ringworm. 

106)I will not address Professor Trelawney as Twiggy, Aunt Petunia or Jefree Star. Other unacceptable names pending. 

107)Remus Lupin does not appreciate fur hats. 

108)I will not dare first years to pet Grindylows. 

109)I will not set Gilderoy Lockheart on fire. 

110)I will not feed him to Fluffy 

111)Nor the basalisk 

112)I will not tie him up and use him as a pinata 

113)I will not shoot him with a gun  
nor with a bazooka 

114)I will not introduce jello shots to Hagrid. 

115)I will not interduce graffiti to Fred, George, Sirius, Peter, Remus, and/or James.

116)I will not teach peeves how to use a slingshooter. 

117)I will not refer to Filch as the village idiot.

118)Claiming that it was to remind her of home is not a good excuse to trap umbridge in one of the weasley twins portable swamps convincing sirius to follow trelawny around in his animagus form is mean especially when he is charmed so only she can see him

119)I will not give Colin Creevy a digital camera. 

120)I will not plant a baby whomping willow. 

121)Giving Sirius sugar or energy drinks.

122)I will not give Fred and George the muggle hand shocking devices.

123)I will not tell Luna that Aleo plants are the magical burn healing people...she might believe me...

124)I will not introduce people who steal Luna's shoes the tradition of when an American soilder comes home that they throw their shoes over wires and tree branchs...

125)I will not show hagrid neopets... 

126)I will not force Voldemort to watch Power Rangers whenever he's got a tantrum. (Actually, I'd never force anybody to watch Power Rangers...)

127)I will not show Hagrid how to engorge his chocolate bunny.

128)I will not show Hagrid how to animate his engorged chocolate bunny.

129)I will not show Hagrid how to grow his animated engorged chocolate bunny fangs.

130)I will not ask Hagrid to send his fanged animated engorged chocolate bunny after Snape.

131)I will not give Snape a "Beware of the Bunny" T-shirt for Easter.

132)I will not wring Snape's hair out and sell the grease to the first years to cook their sausages in.

133)"Och aye le noo" is not the correct way to greet Proffessor Mcgonagall.

134)I will not tell Hagrid about the poor, innocent creatures trapped in cages at the London Zoo. grin

135)I will not steal Harmione's homwework planner and re-arrange the dates of all her assignements

136) I will not call Professor Flitwick a hobbit 

137)i will not sujest Filch that a nice quiet retirement would suit him perfect.

138)i will not ask hagrid if he was the one that yelled 'fee fi fo fum, i smell the blood of an english man'...

139)i will not make nasty jokes about Ms norris being McGonnagals best mate.

140)i will not ask McGonnagal to ask Ms norris if Ms norris is dating Crookshanks...

141)I am not to refer to the Weasily twins as 'Bill and Ted'.

142)I am not to introduce the Weasily twins to the movie Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure... or Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey... or the tv series... or the comics...

143)I will not charm it to where when I 'air guitar' it makes an awesome thrash chord progression, no matter how cool it would be.

144)I will not ask my sister to send me a howler of my favorite band's latest thrash hit.

145)No matter how funny it would be, it is not a good idea to send a howler with a gushy love poem to Professor Snape, or any other professor.

146)Although it is acceptable to give Professor Lupin a box of chocolates, it is inappropriate to include a love note confessing my love to him.

147)I will not replace Trelawney's green tea leaves with a concentrated strain of marijuana I didn't grow for herbology extra credit.

148)I will not send love letters to Dumbledore signed 'Your Kitten'.

149)Even if my name is Sam, I won't offer everyone green eggs and ham.

150)After not doing that, I will not continue to quote the rest of the book.


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